It’s about Tim

Just found this forgotten post while going through my drafts…seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.

Ashley and I have returned from our first trip to New Jersey. We explored several towns to familiarize ourselves with areas where we might live. We looked in the very urban Jersey City (a possibility if I work in Manhattan), and more suburban areas such as West Orange, Montclair, Maplewood, and further south a lovely town named Westfield. Each area had its attraction; so, once I land a job we will decide which area is best suited for both of our commutes. Thank you, Margaret Nelson for showing us some of the areas, and thanks to Judy Rothman for showing us some properties.
Enormous thank you to John and Diana Sands who challenged the notion of “southern hospitality” by completely opening their home to us, feeding us, showing us around, and really making what could be a very stressful time into one where we can see all the good things to come. John and Diana, Ashley and I eternally grateful.

For the most part, I have stayed away from religion and politics on my site. A search for my name or easily discernible sign on names (e.g. SendakSeuss) will likely point the curious to sites where I have allowed myself to get sucked into political commentary, but I don’t believe you will find too much Tim on religion out there where anyone and everyone can read it. I like to think I’ve done a good job keeping my religious beliefs close to my chest. But what I have chosen not to say or do might reveal just as much. Namely, I don’t believe I have taken the time here to acknowledge my father’s site, interesting since I helped him set it up. Maybe no one has noticed, hell my site doesn’t get that much attention, but I have noticed my failure to say, “hey, check out what I set up for my dad and what he has done with it.” He’s gained a number of readers since my brother and I got him set up and blogging – and has since gone on to publish a book.

My beliefs might have been different had my parents remained married and my father remained a Baptist minister, but I like to think my mind is my own and I would think about religion the way I do regardless of the path that got me here.

What I have done is been silent and let some people who matter deeply to me believe that I am a believer as they are, and at times I have felt like a fraud for doing so. I envy my sister Kelli’s faith, but I know the way the fibers are presently connected in my brain will never allow me to be the Christian she is. I have no desire to change her beliefs to align with mine, and am not so arrogant to think I could do so, but I have asked myself a number of times, “how can she believe so strongly in something that just seems to be another myth to me?” And with my father, I do the same. Ive tried to have faith, maybe I still do, but as of yet I don’t. Perhaps it’s because I am still looking at people despite my Grandmother K’Lee’s advice.

I visited with her while home on leave. She was dying from cancer and it would be the last time we spoke. She asked me if I was reading my Bible. I told her I wasn’t. I told her when I looked at the way people were, the things so many people did, I could not have faith – I could not be bothered with the Bible. She did not scold me or get on any sort of religious high horse, she simply said “it’s not your job to look at people, that’s God’s job – let Him do his job.”

The internet has made it even more difficult for me to follow Grandma’s advice. I’ve had to discipline myself to ignore most of the comments posted on sites I visit. I try to walk a line but on any given issue I may find myself far right or far left of someone, and I wonder how they could possibly think the way they do.

I’ve used this as an excuse to not write as frequently as I believe I should. On any issue I feel I will find myself either preaching to the choir or to the deaf – thus writing often feels to be a waste of time. But I am deciding now to write more frequently. I’m starting to believe maybe my voice is the one that needs to be heard.

Mama 2, I will miss you. We’re all richer, better people because of the example you set. I am honored to be part of the beautiful family you created while you were with us.

Thelma McBride Holloway

CHAPEL HILL — Thelma McBride Holloway of Chapel Hill passed away after a long illness on February 26, 2010. She died peacefully at home surrounded by her husband, children and grandchildren.

She was born on February 22, 1928 in Troy, the daughter of E.L. McBride and Ella Temple. After graduating from the Watts School of Nursing in Durham in 1947 she began a long career as a registered nurse, providing compassionate and loving care as both a staff nurse at UNC Hospital and with private patients. It was during her time as a student nurse that she met her husband, Charles, whom she married on October 25, 1947. They were an inspiration to their family and friends for their love, faithfulness, and devotion to each other.

Mrs. Holloway was a long time member and active volunteer at the University Baptist Church where she and her family have been members for over 63 years. She derived great joy in the time spent with family and friends and sharing her much coveted cakes and bread. She was a loyal member of several bridge clubs, delighting in the fellowship of her friends.

Known as ‘Mama 2′ to her grandchildren, she was a woman of gentleness and faith. Mrs. Holloway faced her life and her death with grace, patience, and kindness and will be remembered by her family and friends as the sweetest person in the world. She was a devoted wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister and friend. She will be missed deeply by all who had the honor to know and be loved by her.

She is survived by her husband, Charles; and her daughters, Linda Mortenson and her husband, Rod, of Greensboro, Susan Holloway Phillips and her husband, Chip, of Raleigh; a son, Frank Holloway and his wife, Amy, of Hardwick Vermont; a daughter-in-law, Janice Holloway Ascher of Durham; 10 beautiful and accomplished grandchildren; and three adorable great grandchildren. She is also survived by her sister, Estelle Boroughs and her husband, Woodrow, of Southern Pines.

She was preceded in death by a son, Chuck; and two sisters, Lillian Rosser and Bobbie Jean Wicker.

A memorial service celebrating Mrs. Holloway’s life will held on Sunday February 28th at 3 p.m. at the University Baptist Church, 100 South Columbia Street, Chapel Hill, N.C. 27514. A reception will follow immediately after the service.

In lieu of flowers donations can be made in Mrs. Holloway’s memory to the University Baptist Church.

Several years ago, when the World Trade Center towers still stood, before Ashley and I were married, we visited her friend Constantine in New York and stayed in his roommate’s room, left vacant due to overseas travel.

It was a weekend trip, a brief getaway from school for me and when snow began to fall the night before our return I became anxious. Despite professing my hate for academia at the time, I took school very seriously. I was uncomfortable with the thought of flight cancellations and not making it to class on Monday and I certainly annoyed Ashley with my fretting. She suggested we go out for a beer and make the most of it. I did so reluctantly. We met some interesting people that night, and I had to assure some of them that I did not share all Senator Jesse Helms’ political views despite hailing from the same state – namely, I considered their sexual preference none of my damned business.

Ashley and I drank a few beers and then walked home. Relaxed by the alcohol, I allowed myself to enjoy the beauty of a heavy, muffling snow in Manhattan. I enjoy how quiet it makes things. And tonight, Valley road here in Montclair is muffled by snow. I still prefer a Caribbean sunset, but sometimes snow is absolutely beautiful.

I’ve not posted in a while and, apparently, infrequent, inconsistent posting is a sin in this new world of constant news feeds, tweets, status updates, etc. I have to remind myself that comments, thread responses, and status updates on Facebook are not going to make me a better writer. So, here I am after wrestling with a WordPress cookie issue that would not let me into my dashboard via Firefox so that I might throw more words out into the ether.

Hopefully, I will finish this and actually post it – I’m not impressed with the number of drafts I see sitting in my drafts folder. To be fair, some of the posts are a bit negative and I ran out of energy and motivation trying to beat them into something that would add to the ongoing conversation of life. I had a question answered recently that’s been in the back of my head every time I started typing for at least a couple of years now. I was watching Into the Storm and a remark by Sir Winston Churchill to President Franklin Delano Roosevelt caught my attention. When questioned about his faith, Sir Winston, who dealt with the same doubts that I deal with, replied to FDR,  “Whether you believe or disbelieve — it is a wicked thing to take away a man’s hope.” So, I feel somewhat justified in keeping my skeptical mouth shut even though I’ve wanted to weigh in on the big question. As it turns out, someone can convey with humor an opinion I share, but would have no doubt fumbled with heavy-handed cynicism. I am also inclined to excuse my reticence with a comment a friend shared a while back, “If you cannot improve upon the silence, keep quiet (STFU).” But now, it’s time for me to ramble a little, as if I haven’t been already. Continue reading What’s new — a nod at climbing, yoga and biking — maybe a year remembered.

Fatcyclist.com is one of my absolute, all-time favorite reads on the web. Although cycling focused, Elden Nelson’s blog is about so much more. Long-time readers have had the opportunity to witness Elden’s blog evolve from a fun weight loss accountability blog for Fatty’s friends into a true testimony of what the cycling “family” really is. Elden was very candid during his wife Susan’s battle with cancer and touched lives all around the world. When Susan passed, people who had never met her mourned for her and reached out to Elden and his family as if they were kin.

Elden is a better writer than I, so I encourage you to read his blog yourself. Be sure to read the comments on many of the posts; they are a pleasant relief from the commentary on most sites. His blog reminds me of why I ride the bike – I’ve made some of my strongest friendships simply by showing up to a group ride.

Elden is doing a lot to honor his wife and their children. With the help of loyal and loving fans he has raised a great deal of money for some good causes. One of his MO’s is the tongue-in-cheek open letter. Recently he wrote a very humorous letter to Johan Bruyneel, manager of the newly-formed Team Radio Shack, in which he mentioned his many qualifications to be on the team. Bruyneel replied with a challenge for Elden to raise a considerably amount of money for two great causes in a short period of time.

If you want to do something great for someone who deserves it this holiday season, I encourage you to consider giving as much as you can to either one or both of these causes. Do it as soon as possible though, the deadline for Bruyneel’s challenge is this coming Friday, December 11.

Direct links to the causes mentioned in Bruyneel’s letter:

World Bicycle Relief – http://grassroots.kintera.org/Creative/fatcyclist

LIVESTRONG – http://www.livestrong.org/grassroots2009/sendfattytocamp

Thanks and Happy Holidays.

Just some shots from a rainy Saturday with my brother Jonathan and his neighbor, Fred. We were out at Fred’s farm.